The Top 5 Money Conversations You NEED to Have Before Getting Serious

Alana D'Angelica
Jan 7
3 min read

Money is the #2 leading cause of divorce, and yet it’s one of the last things people talk about honestly when dating or getting engaged.

I’m deeply passionate about money compatibility, not because relationships should be transactional, but because financial misalignment quietly creates resentment, power imbalances, and stress that love alone can’t fix.

Whether you’re dating, getting serious, or thinking about marriage, these are the conversations that matter most.

Before Marriage Starts: What to Pay Attention to While Dating

You don’t need to interrogate someone on the first date. But you should be observing.

Spending habits

How does this person spend money?

Are their choices aligned with your values?
Do they live within their means?
How do they react to your spending?

This isn’t about judgment. It’s about fit.

Debt awareness and credit use

You don’t need a full balance sheet, but you should have signals:

Do they openly acknowledge debt?
Do they avoid the topic?
Do they rely heavily on credit?
Do they have a plan, or is it ignored?

Avoidance here is a red flag.

Saver vs spender tendencies

Are they a natural saver, spender, or somewhere in between?

Does their approach align with the lifestyle you want?
Do they respect different approaches, or criticize them?

Money fights often come down to this dynamic.

Reflection: differences vs misalignments

You don’t need someone exactly like you. In fact, different money habits can be very complementary.

Ask yourself:

Is this difference expanding my perspective?
Or is it turning me off and creating resentment?

Growth feels different than friction.

Before Getting Married: The Conversations You Can’t Skip

Once marriage is on the table, observation isn’t enough. You need clarity.

1. How joint expenses will be managed

Talk through:

Will you combine everything?
Keep personal savings and spending separate?
Use a hybrid system? This is where many couples default instead of decide. Don’t. (If you want a framework, I’ve shared my recommended system here, but the key is that this is a conscious choice, not an assumption.)

2. Retirement philosophy

This is more than numbers.

Discuss:

Will retirement savings be personal or joint?
When do you each want to retire?
How do you want to spend your time when retired?
How much freedom vs security matters to you? You’re aligning decades of future planning here.

3. Kids and caregiving expectations

This conversation is critical and often skipped.

You must talk about:

Do you want kids?
Does either partner expect someone to stay at home?
How do you feel about childcare?
How will caregiving affect careers and income? I’ve seen too many couples have a child and then discover they had completely different assumptions.

4. College savings (before it’s urgent)

If kids are part of the plan:

Will we save for our children's college?
How much responsibility do you feel for that?
When will we start saving? (The earlier, the better - to take advantage of compound growth)

Waiting until a child is 8 or 9 sets you back significantly. This should be discussed before marriage and during the "trying" phase, not years later.